Women's Wisdom

Seek the Handle

Ready for a funny story? I thought you might enjoy a light-hearted look at how some of our actions become deeply ingrained without our conscious knowledge.

Some time ago, my refrigerator handle broke. One of the screws sheared off so the handle was no longer functional As a temporary solution, I re-attached the handle to the other side of the refrigerator (I didn't know our refrigerator was bi-handled :D). This allowed me to open the refrigerator door easily; but the door now swung open the other direction.

Over and over again, I found myself unconsciouly reaching for the refrigerator handle in its OLD location. And over and over again, I had to get conscious and Seek the Handle in its new location. This happened numerous times a day, as you might imagine. And it got darn right funny watching the old, ingrained behavior operating by default.

Days later, I'm still reaching for the handle in the OLD location. It became an amusing metaphor for the old beliefs in my life. How even when we've implemented a new strategy or solution, the old behavior takes a while to clear out. This is a simple example, so imagine if the habit you're wanting to change is to quit smoking, eat healthy, stop being co-dependent, exercise, recover from trauma, etc. It can take a LONG WHILE (days, weeks, months, even years) to clear out (unless you have the benefit of some energy tools like Emotional Freedom Technique "EFT").

Just today, I was remarking about how the habit of reaching for the refrigerator handle in its NEW location has become ingrained and now that the handle is finally being fixed, I'll have to go through the process all over again. (Only this time, I have EFT to shorten the process...Hmmm...this could be VERY INTERESTING!)

Well, that's my story - an amusing one at that. So remember to "Seek the Handle". And if you've got some old beliefs, habits, experiences you would like to release (who doesn't?) in a more timely fashion, consider EFT and consider joining me on Wednesday, May 2nd at 1:15pm Eastern for a teleclass on EFT. You can read more about it here: http://womensu.com/SayYesTeleclass.htm

Seeking the Handle, :D

Lauren

P.S. - When I sat down to share this funny story with you, I had no intention of making the connection to EFT and my upcoming teleclass. In fact, it didn't even occur to me. But as I was typing and writing about how long it took to change my old behavior, it occurred to me that EFT could have shortened the transition. SUre, the refrigerator handle is a goofy example, but it's SO REPRESENTATIVE of important habits and behaviors. And now you know...the rest of the story :D

The Dream Squashers

It takes money to make money.

Anything worth having takes hard work.

You always have to work hard.

These are the beliefs I heard during a recent conversation with some of my friends who are also entrepreneurs. I noticed that speaking these beliefs did not empower the speaker, but instead seemed to create a feeling of defeat and hopelessness. These beliefs surfaced immediately following an inspired conversation about business visons and bold ideas. The beliefs had the effect of squashing the dream before it ever had a chance to become real. Squashed. Dead.

Let's take a closer look at these dream-squashing beliefs, for the sake of dreams everywhere.

It takes money to make money. Fact or fiction?

There are plenty of examples where some money has been used to make more money. That is definitely a possibility. But is it a requirement?

An event could be held to benefit a non-profit group with all services, promotions, advertising and even the location being donated and all labor provided by volunteers. No money required.

How about the dream of building a pottery retreat center? Needs are lodging for people to stay overnight. Options: Start with what you've got using existing lodging on the property or get sponsors to pay for building of cottages in exchange for advertising.

And what about bartering? There are several professional bartering networks around the country where people exchange services like massage, web design, PR, coaching, etc.

Maybe the more accurate belief is:  Making money takes an exchange of energy. (the energy can be in the form of dollars or time or labor or...)

Next belief: Anything worth having takes hard work. Fact or fiction?

This one's easy. So winning the lottery isn't worth having? Whew - that's a relief :D  Or when you receive a lovely gift from a good friend, it's not worth having because you didn't work hard for it? Really?

Next: You always have to work hard. Fact or fiction?

How do you define working hard? It is working at some task you don't like? Or one that is unpleasant? If you're doing something you enjoy, is it still working hard?

In recent months, my hardest working days have been spent getting dirty, hot/cold, hungry, sore muscles and worn out rescuing starving horses. The last rescue, I worked from 11am to 11pm, non-stop on my day off from my regular work. Did I work hard? You bet. Was it worth it? You bet! These horses were now safe, fed, and never to be hurt again. I never sleep better than when I've been 'all used up' making a difference and serving our fellow sentient creatures.

So I ask you again - If you're working hard (aka expending effort) doing something you love or that honors your values, is it still working hard? And if so, how do you discern it from working hard on something you don't enjoy?

One final note: it is not at all uncommon to have these dream-squashing (DS) beliefs surface immediately following the expression of a dream or a soul's desire. Coincidence? Not likely. These days, I look at these DS beliefs as confirmation of a big dream, a grand vision worth achieving. These DS beliefs also present a fabulous opportunity to clear out what is no longer serving you and definitely not serving your dream. It's just what you need to achieve your dream!

Until next week, In Joy,

Lauren

P.S. - Need some help clearing out and releasing those dream-squashing beliefs? Consider EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - a fabulous tool for clearing out the old gunk quickly. And watch for my upcoming May Teleclass/Program co-created with Ann Ross, EFT Master, designed especially for Entrepreneurs. Space will be limited to ony 15 participants. More information on EFT, including a downloadable workbook, is available here.

You make me feel like...

Welcome new readers! Thank you for joining me for our ongoing exploration of our every day, most commonly held beliefs. Are we having fun yet? :D

Have you ever had this experience? You're having a great day, full of lots of wonderful connection and synchronicities, and you want to share it with someone close to you. In your enthusiastic state, you share your great day; and then the person responds blandly "That''s great, dear." How does that make you feel? For most of us, our enthusiasm takes a nose-dive, like it just jumped off a cliff.

Can you believe how that person made you feel?!

Or maybe you relate to this scenario more: You and your Sweetie have decided to get together after dinner and watch a movie. An in-home 'date', so to speak. Your Sweetie says, "I just have to make a quick, 5-minute phone call". Over an hour later when you're still waiting (not so patiently), you decide to make your own evening plans. You also notice that you feel really crummy, and feel like you're not very important.

Can you believe how that person made you feel?!

At this point, I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes of all time with you:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
                    - Eleanor Roosevelt

Myth: Someone else makes you feel ...

Truth: You are responsible for your own feelings and how you express them.

We use phrases all the time like "that situation made me feel.." or "that person made me feel..." or "you make feel...", but those are inaccurate statements. We experience the situation or person's words, internalize them, process them, and then... we judge them and decide how we want to feel about them. Yes, this is often an unconscious process; but that doesn't make it less real.

As Eleanor Roosevelt points out in her quote, we decide  to feel inferior or less than or upset or even in some cases, happy. 

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the situation or person or words are somehow OK. Maybe they are, maybe they're not - only you know. But how we interpret the experience is up to us.

We get to decide if we will ALLOW someone else or a situation to result in us feeling bad. We get to decide if we interpret an experience as demeaning - even if everyone else would agree with us.

You also get to decide if the person/situation is really all about them and what's going on with them and decide that you are still an amazing, wonderful, giving, important, loved woman.

Next time you find yourself in a not-so-empowering situation, remember...

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Your advocate,

Lauren

Purple Tomatoes?

Think tomatoes only come in red?

Maybe you've seen those little pear-shaped tomatoes that come in yellow. Well, I bet you haven't seen a purple tomoate. You're not likely to see it in your local grocery store. You might see one in a health food store. Think a purple tomato is a result of some genetic modification? Think again.

Heirloom vegetables are vegetables from our ancestors, passed down from generation to generation. Vegetables they grew on their land, harvested and enjoyed. Heirloom vegetables are an endangered. They've fallen by the way side of mass-produced, high-volume vegetables.

Tomatoes actually come in all colors, shapes, sizes and flavors. Seed Savers Exchange is a non-profit organization dedicated to preserving our vegetable and fruit heritage.

So back to purple tomatoes. How many kinds of tomatoes do you see in your grocery store, health food store or farmer's market? Did you know that there are more than 5500 varieties of tomatoes?! That's right, over 5500! Check out some of the varieties here

 

The varieties have wonderful names too, like Purple Russian, Aunt Ruby's Green, Gold Rush, Hillbilly, and Garden Peach. How fun!

Did you know that in 1900 there were 7,000 named varieties of apples in the U.S.? Now there are less than 1,000 of those existing today. How many do you see in your stores? Seed Saver's Exchange maintains the most diverse, public orchard in the U.S., where 700 pre-1900 apple varieties are on display. Want to blow your mind? Visit Seed Saver's Heritage Farm.

BTW - you can request a catalog from Seed Saver's Exchange. Just looking through it will expand your awareness. You might even feel inspired to order some seed and grow your own purple tomatoes. (I did!) Imagine showing your child a purple tomato!

Now you know - there ARE purple tomatoes, and orange, yellow, green, etc. So what else do you think you know for sure? :D Until next week -

In Spirit,

Lauren

What do you Believe to be True?

Starting with this post, Women's Wisdom will take on our most deeply-held beliefs. The ones we live from every day as a society and as women, often unconsciously. We'll take a closer look at these beliefs and how they originated; and then you can decide whether they serve you or not. As I'm fond of saying - use or toss.

Women's Wisdom will get you thinking not only "out-of-the-box", it will have you sitting on top of the box, surveying your world from a whole new vantage point!

This week, I'll start you off gently, with a not-so-serious belief :)

In Spirit,
Lauren

P.S. - Have a favorite everyday belief, you would like to see 'busted'? Email it to me. I'm game...

What if you don't want to be Famous?

These days there is so much information on the Internet about how to get famous, get known now, be remarkable, find your niche, etc. And there's alot of GREAT information.

But what if you don't WANT to be famous? When I think of famous, I think of high-profile movie star or an appearance on Oprah. What if you don't want that kind of visibility and attention?

Maybe not wanting to be famous is a form of self-sabotage. Or maybe it's a result of being sensitive to judgment, attention and criticism. Or maybe it's just crazy.

Let's take a closer look...

Is it that you don't want success? Or is it that you want success on your terms?  I seriously doubt you want to be mediocre. Maybe what you really want is to make a difference. So is there a distinction between wanting your work to be known, but not necessarily YOU?

Let's take a real-life example. I'm passionate about Animal Rescue and specifically about addressing the pet overpopulation problem. It is unacceptable to me that we put 4-5 million cats, dogs, puppies and kittens to death every year in this country's animal shelters. On average, over 75% of the animals going into shelters - die. The only answer is Spaying and Neutering our pets, addressing the problem at the root . I want every pet to have a wonderful, forever home. EVERY PET!  This is WORK  I'm passionate about and work that I want to be FAMOUS and KNOWN - NOW.

In the name of this WORK, I would do alot to get it out there in public - taking the attention, being more visible, and being the advocate. I wouldn't do it it to promote myself; but I would do it to promote the WORK.  Note the distinction?

When you think about being famous or getting known now, what part of you responds? Does your ego jump up and say "Yes, that would be great!". Or does your mind jump in with some form of criticism or negativity? Does your heart expand or shrink? Do you get a knot in your stomach? All of these responses are valuable input and insight and clues as to what's important to you.

Maybe "getting famous" or "getting known" triggers some beliefs about what you will have to give up. Do you believe that to be successful, famous and known that you will have to give up your privacy and your sanctuary? Do you believe you will have a ton of obligations, responsiblities and commitments? Maybe you believe you will lose your free time and open space. Or that your calendar will be booked from dawn to dusk. Are these your beliefs about being famous? Or getting known? Or success? if so, then no wonder you don't want it! :D

My past experience with being known and being the expert (from corporate America) was that I was in  high demand. That part was OK. What was not OK was having people think I was the only one who could help them and not having the option to say NO. I was not in control of my own schedule. That leads to overwhelm and burnout.

So it is crazy to not want to be famous? Is it crazy to not want a media kit and press releases so you don't get asked to be on TV or radio? Does it make a difference if you promote your work vs. your Self?

Hmmm... This is a great opportunity to look at your beliefs around success, being known, and being famous. If they work for you and empower you - great! If they don't and are getting in the way of what you want then it's time to transform your beliefs. (See Resources section below)

Here's to your Success - whatever that looks like for you!

In Spirit,

Lauren

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RESOURCES:

If you're looking for great information on getting famous, getting known, picking your niche, or being remarkable, check out these resources:

Get Known Now - Suzanne Falter-Barns - www.getknownnow.com

Extreme Niche Marketing - Barbara Casey - http://www.extremeniches.com/

Article "Steps to Finding Your Ideal Business Niche" - http://www.newradiance.com/NicheMarketing.htm

Being Remarkable - Kendall Summerhawk - www.kendallsummerhawk.com

Make a Big Splash Selling Your Books on Amazon.com

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2. Or too much inventory of a previous book?
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If you're ready to transform your beliefs, consider these resources:

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - Master EFT Practitioner Ann Ross - http://www.newperspectivescoaching.co.uk/aboutus.html

Spiritual Life Coaching - Certified Master Lauren Lee - www.womensu.com
!NEW! BeliefBusters - starting August - Bust those Beliefs for Good!

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Your contribution is greatly appreciated!

Your donation affirms my purpose, my mission and my calling to make a difference and to leave the world a better place. It inspires me to reach more women and remind them who they TRULY ARE!

Thank you for visiting, thank you for reading, thank you for the glorious Spirit that you are!

In Gratitude,

Lauren

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No commitment. No obligation.

No commitment. No obligation. No responsibility.

That's how a friend summed up the simple life s/he was living. 

It was one of those comments that stuck with me; and had me thinking about it over the next couple of days.

At first glance, that lifestyle might seem appealing. "No commitment. No obligation. No responsibility." Afterall, isn't that how we describe our vacations? And what we love about them?

This lifestyle has alot of freedom, flexibility and opportunity to be spontaneous. Live in the moment, you might say, or at least the short-term, immediate future.

However, it also got me thinking that there are alot of benefits from life that are a result of commitment,  responsibility and obligation.

Only in a committed relationship, do you get to explore certain hidden depths and heal them. And have someone know you inside and out and evolve together.

You can't have children without commitment, responsiblity or obligation. Or pets. Or friends.

Can you really have a deep relationship with others, with your God, or even with yourself without commitment or responsibility?

And what about long-term achievements? 

Being the oldest of eight children, I understand the desire to be free of commitment, responsibility and obligation. They can be heavy burdens to carry. I remember well at age 9, feeling the weight of being the 'role-model' for my younger siblings. I would have gladly released that burden, given the chance.

It seems to me, living our lives fully and richly is really about being conscious of our choices, so that we have commitments, responsibilities and obligations of our choosing. And that certainly means learning to say NO to unwanted situations.

I choose commitment, responsibility and obligation - to myself, to Spirit, to others. My life is richer and fuller for it.

What do you choose? And why?

In Spirit,

Lauren Lee
Master Spiritual Life Coach
Certified Prosperity Guide
Women'sU CEO
www.womensu.com

I Wonder...Magic Words?

"I Wonder..." two powerful words.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes you wonder about something and then like magic, it manifests in your life? And other times, you focus and intend and desire and nothing seems to happen? I noticed this in my own life and in others. I was curious as to the difference between the two. Are you?

The quick manifestation occurs when we're in a place of wonder, of curiousity, of imagining and we're *without* attachment to how or when it's going to show up.

For me this would most often occur when I was driving home from my corporate job and brain-dumping the day. I'd think "Wouldn't it be nice to have some fresh flowers in my home" or "Wouldn't it be great to get a surprise from my Sweetie". And those things would show up in the most amazing ways and usually within 24 hours.

Recently during a coaching session, the difference between the easy manifesting and the not-so-easy manifesting was the two words "I wonder", as in, "I wonder how I might find my ideal clients". And almost as if by magic, answering the phone brought the perfect client to her.

What if you were to harness the power of "I Wonder..." or "Wouldn't if be nice if..." to *transform* your intentions in the areas where you have yet to manifest what you desire? For example, "I wonder what it would be like to make $10,000 a month" or "I wonder what my lifestyle would be like as an active, healthy person".

Are you willing to try it? If so, let me know your experience :D

In Spirit,

Lauren

Creating Our Future

"Focusing our attention - daily and hourly -
not on what is wrong, but what we love and value,
allows us to participate in the birth of a better future,
ushered in by the choices we make each moment"
- Carol Pearson

In this time of war, it is easy to focus on
what shows up in the news and in the paper.
It is easy to focus on what isn't working,
what we don't like or want and be angry or
fearful.

However, whatever you focus on expands. So if
you want world peace, focus on feeling peace
within your Self. BE Peace. Focus on the
kindness you see around you in your daily life.
Ask to be an instrument of peace. Focus on what
you want and you will help the world change.

There is a woman modeling this concept of focusing
on what we want - Her Majesty Queen Noor of
Jordan. She was on Larry King Live recently and when
asked about how she thought the Coalition had
handled security in Iraq, she replied that there
was no point in discussing the past; learn from it
and focus on the future and rebuilding Iraq.

BE the peace you want to see. BE the kindness
you want to experience. BE the love.

In Spirit,

Lauren Lee
Master Spiritual Life Coach
Certified Prosperity Guide
and Women'sU CEO
www.womensu.com

* This article was originally published in March 2003